So I’ve been a bona fide Akokite for quite a while now, actually just three months but that’s not the point. They have been the most exciting months of my life so far for sure but I’m still chilling o! When i start ehn…
Anyway, as a certified and duly registered student of the prestigious University of Lagos, *important-clearing-of-throat*, I fancy myself an authority on the subject of Unilag and my fellow akokites.
So you see, Unilag is a great school, probably the greatest in Nigeria (no arguments please; GREAT AKOKITES!!). However, in my short stay I’ve discovered quite a few peculiarities that make the school… well, shall we say more “endearing”?
So my Top 5 “Things I find funny about Unilag”… *drumroll* *suspense-filled-silence* Mehn, I wish I could embed sounds here that’ll play automatically.
1. So I’m late for FSC 105 (this dreaded physics class) and I have this funny walk-jog-run thing going on.If I keep it up (at the risk of my physical and mental wellbeing), I just might make it in time to get a back seat and save myself an hour of fruitless standing.
Just then, this girl, and on the odd occasion, guy, catwalks into my line of vision and completely blocks my path. What makes it worse is she has her arms flailing all over the place and I can’t safely navigate without knocking us both over. So I switch to walking by the road, an added threat to my life.When I really have to battle the odds is when there is an entire group of them, laughing and chatting in the face of my misery.
2. Alright. So I know this dude that knows another dude. This other dude just so happens to have this “music thing” going for him; so does his friend, and another friend and yet another. And like a million more. And they all have mixtapes and all the other music stuff, patiently waiting their turn for a spot in the limelight.
So in Unilag, practically every guy is an upcoming artiste.Good luck bothers!!!! *thumbs up*
3. Again I know this girl. She’s a model and she has another model friend, and an entire modelling gang! So everywhere you turn in Unilag, from New Hall, to Moremi, back to Education and even reaching the tiny corner of Honours, you got models everywhere.
So again, in Unilag almost every girl is a model.
4. So this might be kinda universal but then we Akokites put the “Unilag twist” (totally made that up) on everything.
So as an aspiring Ayodele Dada (see,we really are the greatest), you pack your bag and proceed to Environmental Sciences for “overnight” or you go to Sciences and Engineering if you are prepared for World War Three with mosquitoes.
The minute you set foot in the classroom, the lights go out (all part of our greatness though). Now you wish you had been braver and had ventured into the land of the bloodsuckers. Still, its too late to turn back now (it’s probably past 12 and the hostels are locked) so you sit and hope, all the while straining to see with your phone’s flashlight (if you’re lucky ,you might have come prepared with a torch), fighting off the cold hands of sleep and viciously attacking any mosquito that is unfortunate enough to come your way.
Eventually your phone goes off and you readily welcome sleep, abandoning your war with the buzzing enemy.
You wake up at 5 in the morning . Your phone is somehow on the ground, you have angry red spots all over your innocent, uncovered feet and your books are EVERYWHERE. You pack your things and leave in the quiet darkness, doubting your judgment of your “overnight” decision. Then as you squeeze through the gate (hehehe, dont ask me ooo), the lights come back on.
5. Now, the “funniest” of them all. You just finished BLD 103 practical (basically the most torturous 6 hours of your life, spent driving stakes into the ground that took two minutes to dismantle at the end). You can’t stand straight but you have a two hour class right afterwards. You somehow make it through and head straight to your hostel.
People greet you and hail you on your way but civilities are far gone from your mind.Your brain can barely process how to walk. Miraculously you arrive in one piece and head straight to your room. Somewhere in a different dimension you hear your roommates speaking, but the words, you can’t tell. Basically you’re done and you need food so you whip out your hot plate (the only form of kitchen tool allowed…. Abi no be tool??) and as you proceed to withdraw a pot from your locker…..guess what!!! IT’S LIGHTS OUT PEOPLE. You have a silent heart attack.
To all my great AKOKITES… #TheStruggleIsReal.
Author: Agoro Zulaikhah